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One Traveller

I may also qualify as the world's worst correspondent. If I fall into a funk/become incredibly sleep deprived/have weird shit going on in my life people might not hear from me for quite awhile. Also a good reason not to volunteer for challenges or to be a beta.

So far I've written one story in the due South fandom. I have some other stuff on my hard drive, on assorted pages of paper and in my head. Whether any of this will ever see the light of day remains to be seen. I have made some of my own icons, which is fun.

For now, I've realized I use my journal so I can have pretty icons, join communities and comment on other people's stuff. I've decided I'm okay with that.
One Traveller
*Came down the mountain from work yesterday. This time of year, this far north, it's pitch black 5 o'clock at night. Cold and raining. I walk in the door and a big pot of homemade chicken soup is on the burner. We had to eat, then go back out into the weather to go to plasma-but hey, there's no one I'd rather go with to sell my blood for money.

*The other day I was telling him how pleased I am that I've been blogging somewhat regularly, and maybe I'd get up enough gumption for some fic. I mentioned one for due South; the writing is done, it just needs some screencaps to be finished (as opposed to my Tam Lin/dS thingie, which needs much writing to be finished.) So I come home a couple days later and he's on the computer, trying to figure out how to make screencaps. Since then he's looked in the manual for our computer's DVD player and read articles online. Not every guy would go to that kind of trouble to help his wife with fanfic, which has a good chance of eventually leading to full fledged gay porn (if I apply myself. And, you know, do the proper research ;)

*I was feeling pretty crappy last week for various reasons. He did a lot over the long Thanksgiving weekend to help me de-stress. We went for a long walk in the woods Thanksgiving day and he listened while I talked and talked, analyzed and dissected a situation at work. We talked about it and he helped me by giving me a perspective outside of my own head, and it turns out I really am an excellent nanny, and not the incredible fuck-up I was feeling myself to be for a few days. We went for walks Friday, Saturday and Sunday as well. I hadn't been getting enough excercse or sunlight lately (again, very far north, lots of darkness.) It did me a world of good. We talked about the other things that have been stressing me out. I was wound pretty tight and he massaged my neck and shoulders so I could unclench myself.   We watched a lot of really good TV. I'm feeling so much better, it's like night and day. Things are far from perfect, but I have a new perspective and the will to see it through. 

Seriously, If I wasn't married to this guy he'd still be my best friend:)

And yet another reason.....

He's considering writing a story for bottom_rodneywhere Teyla fucks Rodney up the ass with a strap-on. Is he just The Coolest, or what?

One Traveller
10 November 2007 @ 01:16 pm
Got this and 2 others from the wonderfully generous [info]anyanka_eg. They are pretty and much with the kink *pets them, hugs them, squeezes them, calls them George*

On other fronts, haven't got TiVo going yet, though progress has been made. I was suspicious about our phone service being digital and called Qwest. Is not digital, so probably just as well we got cut off the other day, if that was the caliber of advice that lady was handing out. Called TiVo again and got someone else. I'll probably hook TiVo up to my home network anyway, since there are so many cool things we'd be able to do then. But of course there were problems trying to do that too. Turns out I need to open some ports on my router. TiVoguy gave me list of ports, now just need to find out how to go about actually doing this. 'Cause seriously, I'm *here* and the first clue as to how to go about that is *way over there* and without tech support the light from that clue will not reach me for several hundred years. Looked through the little booklet that came with my router--nope. Looked on site for adjusting my router settings--nope. Answer might be there, but I don't know enough about this to find it. Booklet says 'Need Support? Call your DSL provider." Called Qwest again. They gave me phone number for Actiontec, which is open Monday-Friday, 8am-7pm. Though as I've been typing it occurs to me I haven't tried the main Actiontec site. Hmmm.....

I also need to finish getting the package for buzzylittleb ready to be mailed. And there's some stuff I want to send off to the kids I took care of back in Phoenix. And it's a beautiful sunny day (not an everyday kind of thing for  western Washington state in November.) There's been some talk from the husband about going for a walk in the woods. So I  probably should actually get off the computer at some point today.

One Traveller
13 January 2006 @ 01:57 am
Phillip's at home recuperating from his hernia operation. He slept most of the first day. Since then he's been on the computer or working on projects he can do sitting down. He's pretty much finished with a replica of a 19th century men's wallet. Also doing some hand bookbinding in the Medieval style. Now I can admit (at least to myself, Phillip and anyone who might ever read this) that I had to keep myself from dwelling too much on all those news stories about routine outpatient procedures that went horribly wrong. You know, there's some slip of the knife or screw up with the anesthesia and the person winds up dead or in a vegetative state.

There was one in particular I heard on National Public Radio. The reporter was a lawyer representing a widow. This was a woman who one minute's sitting in a waiting room wondering what to fix for dinner, when someone in scrubs comes out, says "I'm sorry..." and changes her entire life. Now she's being questioned by some lawyers who want her to give them concrete examples of her loss. Is she having trouble sleeping, what? She looked at them with this sad dignity and said, "I don't think you understand. It's like I was living in a room filled with bright light. Then without warning someone turned out the lights. And they're never going to come on again."

So I told myself, "Yeah, sometimes horrible shit happens. There's always some risk when you go under general anesthesia. And they did ask him if he wanted to make a living will. And he did sign a paper giving me medical power of attorney. But the chances of anything going wrong are pretty small. And Phillip can't just live with a hernia because I heard something on NPR. That's nuts." But I made sure before the operation to tell him how much I love him. We assured each other everything would be fine, like people do. We talked about the move to Washington and how the doctor needed to be careful cutting down there because we haven't had kids yet. And when I had him home that afternoon, safe and sound and stoned out of his mind on percocet, the universe was looking pretty fucking sweet.
One Traveller
09 January 2006 @ 02:46 am
Did not blog yesterday due to stomach flu. Ick.

I was well enough today to go to a family gathering for my Mom, who had a stroke about a month ago. Scared the hell out of us, of course. But she was lucky, as strokes go, and got her full range of motion back almost immediately. What was really effected was her speech. Right after the stroke she could only make sounds. Now she's talking again, though with some difficulty. She starts speech therapy next week.

Phillip has hernia surgery tomorrow. It's an outpatient procedure, fairly routine we've been assured. He should be back to work in a week and fully recovered in 4-6 weeks.

That's enough for now, I'm thinking. Going to read some DS Seekrit Santa fic, then get some sleep before I take Phillip to the hospital.
One Traveller
07 January 2006 @ 01:56 am
"In writing, habit seems to be a much stronger force than either will power or inspiration." ~John Steinbeck

Okay. John Steinbeck. A guy that definitely knew whereof he spoke. So I just need to get into the habit of writing something on a regular basis. Anything, doesn't have to be "War And Peace" (which I know is not by Steinbeck, it's just an example of something really, really long.) Trying to get rid of all-or-nothing thinking in other areas of my life, will do it here too. Change my mind and change my life, right? Writing will help me get out of these doldrums I've been in, help me get back on track.

Hmmm....**looks around** Definitely want to do something about the look of this journal. Learn to customize. Learn to do some of that stuff I've seen in the Flexible Squares community. But I need to remember I don't have to get it all perfect before I make entries. And I'll re-do my user-info, including the bio, but I won't wait until I've done that to make entries. And I'll remember that this is my journal and I can write about whatever I want, it doesn't have to be of earth-shattering importance to other people. Hell, I once read an entry on someone's LJ about how she didn't like salmon.

I like salmon. Especially smoked salmon that's kind of like jerky. Phillip (my husband, in case anyone's reading this) says he's heard it called squaw candy, though I'm thinking that's not the actual, culturally sensitive name. I want to move out of the fucking desert and move back to the Pacific Northwest where there's lots of salmon, among other things. Trees, open water, green everywhere. Flowers growing no one planted. The Aurora Borealis. Hell, I might catch my own salmon if I can get Phillip to clean it. Or I could learn to clean my own. I'm an Alaskan, though one 18 years removed. Maybe more importantly I'm a Nanny. If I can clean up the various gross excretions of small children, what are fish guts compared to that? I can handle a 2 yr. old having a screaming, hitting, biting, kicking tantrum. I have Super-Nanny powers. I can fucking do anything. I can move to Washington. Phillip and I can get our own piece of land, build our own house, our own art business, have our own kids. **Am starting to feel affirmed**

I can write fic again! I can learn to write porn! All kinds of porn, including that really weird shit that lives in my head! Hell, since this is my journal I can write more poetry that nobody else cares about and post it here. I can even post some of my old Star Trek poetry, then if I reach out and connect up with ST fandom someone might actually read it.That might be cool. (Hey, I've had success in the past with my ST poetry. I was the unofficial poet laureate of my ST club back in the day. How I met my husband.)

Though I don't feel any new ST stuff forthcoming. My brain seems all due South-ish these days. If I get my writing juices all flowing again, remember not to be so afraid of failure (remember that on-line fandom is like vaudeville, it's a great place to be bad while you're learning) maybe I'll finish and post that DS poetry I have in the green folder on my desk. That would definitely fall under the heading of poetry nobody else cares about:) Maybe I'll get back to work on that DS/Tam Lin story that probably nobody else would care about because it contains bits of poetry. Speaking of poetry, this entire entry reminds me of a phrase from one of my poems, "evil stream of consciousness." (In that it's one long ramble, not that I think it's particularly evil.) But hey, I'm writing! I'll worry about the other stuff later.
One Traveller
...already received three comments. Will stop whining now:)